


Thirty Nine Messages

by Aquarius_Galaxy



Series: Leopika one shots [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Hurt, M/M, Post-Chairman Election Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27203362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aquarius_Galaxy/pseuds/Aquarius_Galaxy
Summary: Leorio leaves Kurapika voicemails reminiscing on their time together during the hunter exam amd Kurapika listens to them while he cries himself to sleep
Relationships: Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight, Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Series: Leopika one shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1985971
Comments: 8
Kudos: 66





	Thirty Nine Messages

BEEP

“You have thirty nine saved Messages. To play, press one. To Delete press-“

BEEP

“Message one”

“Hey Kurapika.. it’s me, Leorio. Just.. wondering how you’re doing. Call me back or text me. Or something.. bye.”

“Message two”

“Oi, Kurapika! Haven’t heard from you in a while.. hope you’re okay. Call me. Oh, uh it’s Leorio by the way.. okay uh.. bye.”

“Message three..”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“Message twenty six”

“Kurapika, I know you’re not too busy to answer the phone when I say it’s a damn emergency! Gon is in the hospital! Call me, damn it!”

“Message twenty seven”

“Well now I know. Thanks a bunch for letting us know how much we all mean to you. Gon is fine by the way, though I’m sure you couldn’t care less.” 

A pause.

A sigh.

“I hope you realize what you still have before it’s gone. I really do Kurapika.”

A single tear illuminated by the bright scarlet glow rolls down the already tear-streaked face of a man who has more than enough regret to last him several lifetimes. 

Surrounded by over a dozen scarlet eyes, Kurapika looked at the reflection of his own burning eyes in the screen of the phone he clutched much too tightly in his hand. Disgusted by what he saw, he shut his eyes tightly and waited for the next message, though he knew what it was by heart. He knew because this was his ritual; every night he would punish himself for burning the bridges that his friends had so carefully crafted for them.

Thirty nine messages.

Thirty nine messages from Leorio. He’d had countless others from Gon, and even a few from Killua, but it was Leorio’s messages that he saved. It was Leorio’s voice that grounded him, his voice that broke him, put him back together and then broke him all over gain. Leorio’s voice that reminded Kurapika of what he was throwing away by chasing his suicidal revenge plan.

Was it even really a plan? Didn’t plans have plotted steps and backups for unforeseen circumstances? Kurapika was blindly following any lead he had, making up his so called plan as he went along. 

Was that what his friends deserved? Kurapika throwing his life away without so much as a second thought? Did they deserve the pain Kurapika was surely causing them by allowing himself to be driven by hate and rage when they were more than willing to help him shoulder the burden?

“Message twenty eight”

Leorio was always too forgiving.

“Hey.. its me. Leorio... listen..”

Shuffling on the other line.

“I didn’t mean what I said, you know..”

He should have meant it.

“I- We just worry about you, know? We just want to know that you’re safe. To hear from you every once in a while.”

They deserved to know he was okay, but Kurapika did not deserve to be okay, nor did he deserve their care. 

“I guess its like.. remember during the hunter exam? After we had that run in with Hisoka in the forest and I came back anyway?”

A small small played on Kurapika’s lips. Idiot, he thought. He remembered all too clearly Leorio’s short lived act of bravery before Gon intervened.

“Remember how I tried to save Gon and ended up getting my lights knocked out? And then Hisoka took off with me and you and Gon didn’t know where he took me until you caught up with everyone else?”

At the time, Kurapika didn’t want to admit that he was worried for his loud friend. He and Leorio had a sort of rivalry, even after making amends on the boat, so Kurapika had tried to play it cool. However, deep down he was scared. Scared of what Hisoka might do to Leorio; he knew that the magician was not to be trusted. He’d never admit how deeply he had cared for Leorio even then, but he knew that Leorio knew. Whether he had known then or figured it out later, Kurapika wasn’t sure. If Leorio had known back then, he’d been kind to Kurapika’s ego and hadn’t said anything.

“That worry you felt.. that’s how I- we feel. But like, times a hundred. So just.. call. Please..”

The pain creeping through Leorio’s smooth voice was almost too much for Kurapika, no matter how many times he’d listened to that message. The pleading in his tone and the resign in the sigh that followed showed that Leorio knew that he sounded desperate but would not be getting a response. 

Kurapika stood and exited the small aclove that he had made into a sanctuary, loosening the tie around his neck as he waited for the next message to play.

“Message twenty nine”

“Hey Kurapika, it’s me, Leorio. Killua and his sister are here in town. Gon couldn’t make it but we were hoping you’d be able to. You know, maybe take a day off or something? Anyway they’re going to be here with me for a few days so just uh, call me and let me know I guess. Kay.. bye.”

Kurapika entered the bland room in the hotel he was staying at for the week and tossed his phone on the bed as he undressed. Being tied to the mafia meant that he was never safe in one place for too long, so he changed hotels frequently to avoid being tracked down. It was risky enough that he still had this phone number even though he should have closed it off months ago. 

But closing it meant having to call Leorio to give him the new one.

Which meant that he would be putting Leorio at risk, Kurapika excused himself. That was he reason he never called. He was trying to keep his friend safe. It had nothing to do with Kurapika being too ashamed to talk to Leorio for the first time in almost a year. 

He sighed and changed into a pair of sweatpants and an oversized t shirt that he had snagged from Leorio in Yorknew. Since then, it had lost its smell of Leorio’s cologne, but Kurapika clung to it nonetheless. It was all he allowed himself to have of his friend aside from the messages.

The thirty nine messages from Leorio.

“Message thirty”

Kurapika climbed into the too large bed and curled under the covers with his phone clutched to his chest,

“Yo, Pika, I just remembered the craziest thing from the hunter exam.”

Kurapika hated nicknames, but hearing Leorio shorten his name made his heart lurch with longing. What would he give to hear Leorio say his name that way in person? 

Apparently not the only thing that was keeping him from living that dream.

“Remember that blue dude? You know, when we were in that room with the choices? And the guy said he was part of the spider? You decked him so hard I swear I felt it from where I was standing. That was when I knew you were a badass.”

Leorio’s laugh filtering through the phone’s speakers was nothing like experiencing it in real life, but Kurapika smiled all the same. Loud and rambunctious, Leorio’s laugh was the kind that made everyone around him want to laugh along. It was a sound that Kurapika had taken for granted when he was blessed to hear it straight from the source. That, among other things, Kurapika wished he had taken the time to savor and bask in. 

“You know, every time I see just a regular spider anywhere, I remember when you told us that even seeing spiders sent you into a fit of rage.”

There was that laugh again, but with just a hint of sadness behind it. The kind of sadness that Kurapika was now feeling tenfold. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to cry.

“Anyway, I hope you’d doing well. I..I miss you.”

Damn that Leorio. Why was there such tenderness in his voice? Why didn’t he hate Kurapika as much as Kurapika hated himself? What was there to miss? Snarky remarks, cruel insults, and the pain of waking up with Kurapika gone yet again?

“Message thirty one”

“Kurapika.. please.. I‘m begging you, just one call..”

This was the one. This was the one message out of the thirty nine that Leorio had left him that Kurapika could never get through without all the guilt in the world weighing heavily on his chest.

“I know you think you have to do this alone but..”

Leorio’s voice cracked on the last word. A few sniffles were heard and Kurapika could practically see Leorio trying to get ahold of himself before he continued.

“Please just let me help you..”

Kurapika could also see Leorio fail and lose control of his emotions, tears falling freely from his eyes. He dreaded the next line he knew was coming and braced himself even though he knew it wouldn’t be enough.

“I love you..”

His shell shattered and Kurapika felt like he was spiraling in the dark. His tears broke past the dam of his lids and will power, soaking the pillows and blankets around his face.

“I love you and I miss you and.. god, Kurapika why don’t you? Why don’t you love me? Why don’t you miss me? Why are you doing this?”

The raw pain in Leorio’s voice was unlike any other that Kurapika had heard, even in his own. Knowing that he was the cause of that pain fueled his tears until he was gasping for breath and even then he knew it would get worse.

“Don’t I mean anything to you? Am I not enough? Are Gon and Killua not enough? You still have a family! We’re here waiting for you, waiting to welcome you home with open arms! Is that ever going to be enough for you? Or are you just not going to stop until you’re dead?”

It wasn’t true, Kurapika had every intention of returning to them once he had all the eyes. How did Leorio not know that? Had Kurapika really been so selfish that he hadn’t realized the conclusions that he was forcing his friends to come to?

“Come home.. please..”

The next seven messages played upon deaf ears, each one sounding much like the last. Kurapika curled in on himself, not knowing when he had started sobbing Leorio’s name over and over but unable to stop himself.

The pain he caused Leorio was far greater than his own. He was heartless for letting him suffer that way. 

He was ruthless for ignoring his calls, texts, messages.

He was cruel for abandoning his closest friend. 

He was ashamed for monopolizing Leorio’s heart. 

A heart, love, and loyalty he didn’t deserve.

His eyes, now swollen, felt heavy and his sobs slowly died down in his throat as the last message played.

The thirty ninth message from Leorio. 

“Kurapika..”

He fell asleep, dreams of him chasing Leorio’s faceless figure haunting him through the night.


End file.
